BREAKING: North Korea Agrees to Finance Adani’s Carmichael Mine

April-Fools-2018

Marking the hermit states first major foray into foreign investment, North Korea has reached terms with Adani to finance the Carmichael coal mine in Queensland.

After failing to close a deal for the required financing for the Carmichael coal mine with any of Australia’s four big banks, then also failing to close a financing deal with any Chinese lenders, Adani has announced it has found a partner in North Korea for the project.

Gautam Adani and Kim Jong Un have released a joint statement directly from Pyeongchang to celebrate the momentous deal.

“Today is a fantastic day for the India-Australia-North Korea trilateral alliance.” Mr Adani said.

“After days of negotiation between myself and the esteemed Kim Jong we have agreed to a deal which will see our three countries prosper.”

The deal will see North Korea stump up $8 billion in financing for Adani to begin mining coal in Queensland.

Support for Carmichael has been strong amongst rural Queenslanders, however, it is unknown how this news will be received given many rural Queenslanders also harbour a significant fear that North Korea will choose to nuke their small, country towns.

To get the deal over the line Adani was forced to accept some provisions pushed by the North Korean regime, including;

  • 50% of the workforce will be North Korean
  • No South Korean may enter the site
  • Any person within 100km of the Carmichael Mine who insults the Great Leader Kim Jong Un will be sent to a North Korean “education facility”
  • Ownership of the land Carmichael is situated on will transfer to the North Korean regime at the conclusion of mining
  • A 10 km demilitarised zone will be established around the mine
  • A large shed and testing facility will be on site. But “no one is allowed to look inside. You are also not allowed to look in the cars driving onto site.”

Unfortunately, it is believed this deal will mean many machines that were previously thought to be required on site will no longer be needed after Kim Jong Un said, “we can have a million North Koreans with pickaxes on Australian shores within days.”

Gautam Adani appeared visibly relieved when releasing these statements, and this is no surprise given notes that recently surfaced which are believed to be from Mr Adani’s notebook.

Adani List

Now that the financing hurdle has been crossed it is believed work on the mine will begin in the coming months.

In the final statement of his press conference, Gautam Adani commented on the Australian cricket ball tampering fiasco “Princess Smith and Warner are dirty cheaters, not like King Kohli who is best at ALL formats”

“Maybe Cameron Cheatcroft would like to come and work at my mine.”

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